BANG! And the dirt is gone

Don’t you miss the days of 80’s action movies? I was born in 87 but still spent my childhood watching films like Commando and loved them, why wouldn’t a young boy love explosions and shit? Of course they were bad, but they were entertaining. Nowadays most action movies are just bad, and people just aren’t interested in them either. We like super heroes now, and Jason Bourne, not big muscles and big guns, that’s gay!
It’s not until you see The Expendables that you realise how much action movies have changed over the years. Sylvester Stallone has mashed together typical 80’s action with typical 00’s action, and surprisingly the result is a pretty damn good film. Yes, it’s still shit in a way, but it’s so entertaining you won’t care.
There are still all the clichés you know and love from the 80’s, and also a few of the relatively newer clichés from the past few years. We have the tough guy mercenary, in fact we have several. We have the drug baron general with a whole army (this one looks like a Mexican Jon Favreau), though this time he’s working for a naughty American. We have the now obligatory “this is my big gun, she fires a thousand bullets in a second, if she were a woman, I‘d fuck her” scene, and the total disregard for other people’s property.
It’s these clichés that make the film so endearing, it’s nostalgic, even for a boy of 23 years. The much hyped scene of Stallone, Willis, and Schwarzenegger is hardly anything to “whoah!” about, but it defines this film perfectly, it’s everything you love about the action genre in one package, and the scene is a sign of good things to come. The action is quite simply ridiculous, but in a “holy shit!” kind of way that will keep your eyes glued to the screen. It’s bloody violent as well, it’s strange that it’s only rated a 15 presumably because there’s no sex or swearing in it(at least I can’t remember any). It’s fine shooting and stabbing everything in sight, but the second someone says fuck or actually does fuck you have to be 18 to handle it.
Thankfully the screen never seems over crowded given the large cast, and while Stallone and Statham share a good chemistry, the complete ensemble lacks a certain camaraderie you would expect, with Randy Couture and Terry Crews rarely featuring until the climax. None of the characters have any depth, but it’s not the kind of film you’d expect to have a wealth of depth or an emotional journey. If you’re after this, The Expendables probably isn’t for you.
Critics will most likely give a negative review and I understand that to an extent, but come on, this is the most fun you can have at a cinema without taking your clothes off, and has so much charm you’ll forget about all the massacred soldiers, and their now orphan children. Stallone is 64, and while he looks like his face his falling apart, somehow he is still able to make and star in a decent action film. He’s probably only got one more film in him, and with a fifth Rambo film scrapped, here’s hoping we can look forward to The Expendables 2.