Trailers. We’ve all seen them, and we’ve all been excited by them. Marketing has never been easier, the average person is online in some form for 27.3 hours a day (might not be true), that’s like handcuffing a gazelle to a lion. You can’t go on Facebook or Twitter or Myspace (is that still about?) without seeing the relentless promotion of whatever shit film is coming out this month. It’s sadistic.
If they’re not seeking us, we’re seeking them. Trailers have become an event, they attract as much attention as the finished film does, if not more. All this buzz and excitement for a two minute or less montage. They’re not even accurate representations, some are audacious enough to show footage that’s not even in the film (see Iron Man 2, Predators, Inception), promising something they can never deliver.
And are we the public fooled by this cynical promotion? Yes. Yes we are. If you have ever uttered “that looks good” after seeing a Saw or Final Destination trailer then they have already won, they own you, they made Insidious because of you, “that looks good”, you said that didn’t you? Then you went to see Insidious, gave them your money, and they own you. All they have to do is film a frightened cinema audience, show it to you, and you’ll give them your money. I’ve forgotten my point.
I have seen two trailers this week that have disgusted me, and after much “research” I’ve compiled a list of trailers and films to avoid, if not only for myself.
Yeah yeah, it’s cool to hate on Twilight, “you don’t understand it”, I fucking do. I genuinely thought it was over after three films, I thought we were done, and the first alarming thing about the Breaking Dawn trailer is the subtitle, “part 1”. Part 1? How can this be two films long? How can the entire franchise be two films long? This trailer has generated a lot of excitement from the “Twihards” (I’m assuming it has) but not everyone is pleased: “well first of all theyve got one bit wrong, the wedding should be INSIDE with bella coming down the stairs at the cullens house. and theyve got it OUTSIDE. they better not ruin this book. because it is in? my opinion the best one!”
What’s most annoying about this trailer isn’t the fact it’s a Twilight film, it’s the sense that it’s not really a film at all. You can assume the stupid montage of invitations is purely for the trailer and what does that leave you? Lots of kissing. Anything else? NO. Well, Taylor Lautner takes off his shirt AGAIN. Oh, there seems to be a fight somewhere, and there’s a pregnancy, but does this warrant the overdramatic music? Or even a whole film? This looks essentially like a goth Juno, and it’s irritating that it treats itself like it’s Lord of the fucking Rings.
So there’s this girl with a dragon tattoo? I haven’t got a fucking clue what this franchise is about. I haven’t actually met anyone who has read the “best selling” books or seen the original films, and after seeing this trailer, I’m even less sure what it’s about. Is it about murders? Because the only murder I saw was of Led Zeppelin’s Immigrant song. Daniel Craig is in it so it might be a James Bond film right?
The whole trailer consists of insanely fast cuts so you don’t have time to realise that any of it is incredibly dull. There are just some old men sitting at a table at some point. Then there’s Daniel Craig, then there’s some photos, then there’s this girl, then there’s the irritating tag line of “the feel bad movie of Christmas”. How about just giving us six words that describe the fucking plot?
So it’s four guys walking down a street. You can hardly call this a trailer really. It’s not going to attract anyone unfamiliar with The Inbetweeners already, nor will it entice those who have got bored with the show. Perhaps it’s a good thing that no footage has been shown to us yet. Most of its comedy is shock and awe, and doesn't hold the same value a second time round, much like The Hangover.
What’s worrying about this “trailer” however is that each character’s personality can be summed up by the stupid expressions on their faces. Will posh, Simon neurotic, Neil stupid, Jay perverted. Will the film continue with these cardboard personalities just as the series did, or will it develop their characters into…well, characters? As a possible last “hurrah” for the boys it would be good to see something more than nudity and the repeated use of the word “clunge”.
That's it, goodbye.
