Whoah! It's 3D!

So Nintendo have done it again, or at least we all assume they will do it again, and bring out another “game changer“ (who came up with that phrase?). The Nintendo DS revitalised handheld gaming, and introduced a new way of playing games. Take Trauma, one of the most brilliant yet difficult and frustrating games I have ever plated, where you undertake the role of a surgeon, using the stylus to make incisions, suture wounds, and in one case defuse a bomb. Actual surgery must be easier than Trauma. Without Nintendo’s technology this game wouldn’t have been made, and while thousands of absolutely shit awful games have been released on the DS, you still have to take your hat off to Nintendo, even if they do shit in it.

Then they gave us the Wii, which redefined the way the mass public think about gaming. The Xbox 360 and Playstation 3 are like the naughty kids at school, where as the Wii is that nerdy little square. Everyone loves the Wii, Ant and Dec say so! What could be more fun than waving your arms up and down?

The Wii is one of the most innovative pieces of technology we’ve seen in the last few years, and has even had Microsoft and Sony desperately clamber after Nintendo with their own versions. Sadly, not everyone is as creative as Nintendo, and as a result there are only about 10 games worth owning on the Wii and DS combined, and the majority of those feature Mario. Not to the mention the Wii is basically just a Gamecube in disguise.

With the announcement of the 3DS, things are actually looking peachy. You don’t need 3D! glasses, Kid Icarus looks pretty darn good, you can watch 3D! movies on it, take 3D! photos, and they are releasing Ocarina of Time on it. Just like the DS and Wii though, you would be sane to assume that there will once again be less than a handful of games worth playing, and once you get over the novelty of 3D! It will stay in a draw until you decide to sell it so you can buy a George Foreman Lean Mean 3D Cooking Machine.

I’ve never really been too keen on 3D anyway. Growing up, it was only ever a gimmick, and one I never got. Ooo, another dimension! We are all fine without 3D, it’s a safe bet that your favourite film is in good ol’ 2D, and may even be in black and white and even in some arty foreign language. In no way does 3D enhance your movie experience, and it is nothing more than a cheap (well very expensive) trick to distract you from an average (or terrible) plot/script.

I wear glasses at the cinema, to wear ANOTHER pair of glasses over mine is beyond a pain in the arse. It’s far from a pleasant endeavour, and it just hurts my eyes, especially if the film is nearly 3 hours long, and essentially just Aliens meets Blue Pocahontas.

Every blockbuster seems to be in 3D now, and while some use it amazingly well (Up and Avatar), some just hurriedly paint it on in a get rich quick scheme, they might as well not bother and just ask you for some money. I fear that this isn’t a gimmick that will fade out, but it will actually replace scripts altogether, and films will just become 3D avatars of film execs reaching out of the screen and taking your wallets, and you won’t mind because it like really looks good and stuff.

It doesn’t stop at the cinema, we are now being shouted at to spend thousands of our pounds to purchase a 3D TV, just like we were urged to buy HD DVDs. It is likely that once Nintendo release the 3DS, other companies will soon come up with their own “no 3D glasses required” technology, and we will be stuck with our obsolete TV’s, and our stupid little glasses.

The next logical step for Nintendo will be a 3D Wii, and then after that 4D, where every time you face Bowser on Super Mario 4D, you’re set on fire, and run around your living room clutching your burnt arsehole.