The Genius of John Legend

I don’t pay much attention to lyrics; I don’t even know what some of my favourite songs are about. They could be horrible and scathing personal attacks on me and I wouldn’t know. I’m only sure Taylor Swift hasn’t called me a wanky prick because we haven’t dated. She’s too tall by the way and that’s definitely the only reason why she’s not written a song about me...yet. There are some artists however whose lyrics are so genius that I do pay attention. John Legend is one of those special artists. There are other artists who are much more misogynistic, gratuitously sexual, and lacking in any subtlety whatsoever, but those artists only have one mode. It’s not a surprise to hear R Kelly tell the ladies that he will perform cunnilingus in a manner akin to eating an Oreo because that’s what we expect from him. John Legend sings about love, a lot, and sometimes quite pleasantly, and it’s this that makes his seedier lyrics stand out and seem much more...well ...seedier. So here is a list of just some of his amazing lyrics.

“Good lord you got body for days, I think the way that you shake it’s amazing” – Alright.

This song is about John’s appreciation of a chick who is in a relationship and how he doesn’t care if her boyfriend is annoyed at his advances. Note his use of a measure of time instead of distance. He is not implying she has a long body but a body that can be used perhaps over the course of a sexy weekend.

“Damn it’s so stressful the dirt we do” – She Don’t Have To Know.

Affairs ARE stressful. Later in the song he suggests a sexy weekend.

“You can’t say I don’t love you just because I cheat on you” – Number One.

He goes on to explain that concealing his amorous activities from her should be seen as a romantic gesture and a token of his love. Though he might sleep with other women, she still sits top in his rankings.

A very special appearance by Kanye West – “Thinking my heart don’t got nothing to do with my penis, he got a mind of his own and he just be seeing shit, and I don’t wanna cheat but I don’t be saying shit, I try to jack off he ask me who is you playing wit?” – Number One.

Kanye explains that not only is his penis capable of independent thought, but it is also able to communicate with him. His penis really wanted to have sex with a lady but Kanye didn’t and offered a compromise of a hand job which his penis declined. Kanye therefore had no choice but to slay that broad.

“This just might hurt a little, love hurts sometimes when you do it right” – Save Room.

Ouch. Where is he putting it?!

“Creep to the bedroom while your Mama’s out, maybe she’ll hear it when we scream and shout, and we’ll keep it rocking until she comes knocking” – P.D.A.

Why are they creeping if they’re going to “scream and shout”? Another way to phrase this line would be “do you want to have really loud sex until your mum comes in and tells us to stop?” This is perhaps why my album didn’t sell well.

“Maybe our neighbours like to spy, it’s true, so what if they watch when we do what we do” – P.D.A.

There is a continuing theme in this song, in which John really wants to get caught fucking. He wants her mum to see, his neighbours. It’s quite sweet if you think about it.

“So we fake it again, I think we’re gonna blow it, and we know it, but she’s naked again, we get wasted, then I taste it, then I waste it again” – Another Again.

I don’t know what this means.

“I see you move, I’m checking your smile, working your back like it’s going out of style” – Green Light.

She is moving, yet he is checking her smile AND working her back. How is this all happening?

“Do I have a girlfriend, technically no” – Green Light.

This can be seen as a general theme of his career thus far. Yeah I have a girlfriend, but I won’t when she finds out what I do to you.

“Couldn’t wait, we did it in the living room” – The Beginning.

I hope he sprayed the sofa with some Febreeze.

“Soon as I saw you baby, I had plans, plans to do it til we have a baby” – The Beginning.

Is he saying that he wants to have sex for 9 months, and then he’s done? Or just until he’s sure enough that he’s got her pregnant?

“Soon as I saw you baby, I had plans, planned to take you to my elevator, and cook a little breakfast later” – The Beginning.

So his first thoughts when he sees this woman are “I want to get you pregnant and make you breakfast”.

“Even when you’re crying you’re beautiful” – All of Me.

I’m guessing she’s crying because he cheated on her again.