Celebrity Juice isn’t funny. A statement I’m sure most sane people will agree with. Generally ITV don’t do comedy, any form of wit is considered too high brow for their audience and as a result their output is limited to soaps and reality shows. They’re the Iceland of television, punting a buffet of cheap party food right into your face.
Amidst the peculiar host of eccentric characters ITV houses lies Keith Lemon (yes I know it‘s Leigh Francis), who by a process of elimination has become their go to funny man. Basically a parody of Paddy McGuinness, Keith Lemon is a misogynist dick, whose parodiable value is redundant as most of his fans are misogynist dicks, just as Al Murray’s fans are racists.
Keith Lemon first appeared as a character in Bo’Selecta, and displayed the comedy stylings that ITV loves. With “love cheat” Vernon Kay, and Paddy McGuiness (a man with the personality of a serial rapist) presenting most third rate “entertainment” programmes on channel 3, Keith Lemon appears to be the perfect ITV presenter, and that’s how we have Celebrity Juice.
A panel show like no other, Celebrity Juice sees Keith Lemon ask questions about celebrities to celebrities. Every panel show has two hilarious team captains, and none are more hilarious than BFF’s Fearne Cotton and Holly Willoughby. For two bestest buds they have all the chemistry of helium and argon, they are to put it simply, inert. It might all be lovely and stuff but this is supposed to be a funny panel show, not a lovely panel show.
Perhaps aware of this, comedian Rufus Hound has been enlisted as a regular guest, and I’ve seen him be funny and formulate coherent sentences, but on Celebrity Juice it just looks like he’s chaperoning a children’s party, and has to concede in joining in on the madness.
At one time Keith Lemon was amusing, but five minutes later the repetitiveness was so grating that he was nothing less than fucking irritating. He’s a perpetual Vic Reeves thigh rub, relentless in demonstrating that the notion of misogyny is the pinnacle of comedy. When you hear people on the street shouting out his catchphrases with no irony whatsoever, the character of Keith Lemon ceases to be ironic. I’m not after Have I Got News For You or Q.I, but I don’t want to hear the following on a constant loop:
“I’d smash your back doors in”
“Bang tidy”
“Holly Willybooby”
“Fearne Cotton has big nostrils”
“Potato!”
“I’d smash your back doors in”
“Bang tidy”
“Holly Willybooby”
“Fearne Cotton has big nostrils”
“Potato!”
“I’d smash your back doors in”
It goes on and on and on. I’m sure Leigh Francis is an intelligent man, it would be great to see some evidence of that, but ITV is not the platform to showcase intellect or comedy. Any decent television they might produce gets lost in the shit storm of shows such as Britan’s Got Talent, Look it’s Peter Andre meandering, The only way is Essex, Look it’s Jordan meandering, and of course Celebrity Juice.
Lucky for me I’ve never seen Sing if you can. Oh wait, I have. A PRIME TIME Saturday night programme hosted by Keith Lemon and Stacey Solomon, sees “celebrities” singing while stuff happens to them. The proceeds go to charity but it must be causing far more problems than it’s solving. Yeah, get your family round the TV, watch Chesney Hawkes sing while he’s set on fire, and watch your kids grow up to be morons just like you, and when you’re dead your epitaph will read “Bang Tidy”.
No comments:
Post a Comment