FANGASM! The past weekend has seen San Diego host the 41st Comic-Con, a mecca for hundreds of thousands of geeks to all perpetually jizz in their pants for four straight days. Not living anywhere near San Diego, I have not been jizzing in my pants, and have been jealously following any news I can find on twitter and IGN.
To be honest, I don’t know what goes down in San Diego other than a platform to promote upcoming comic book films. This year the main focus has been on Scott Pilgrim Vs The World, Green Lantern, Thor, Captain America, and every fanboy/girl’s wet dream, The Avengers.
Reviews of the upcoming Scott Pilgrim film all point to a win, but I suspect that anyone who has a firm grasp of reality will hate it and onlookers will point and laugh at me while I try and justify why I like it - Mary Elizabeth Winstead is hot, a good enough reason for liking anything.
I don’t know anything about Green Lantern other than what has been referenced in The Big Bang Theory, but it looks like it’s shaping up to be pretty awesome. Ryan Reynolds has the trust of every geek by reciting the oath at the con (and we know he can do action), green is my favourite colour (I‘m sure that makes or breaks a film‘s quality), and Blake Lively is pretty hot.
Also coming to a screen near you…next year, are Thor and Captain America: The American Avenging Avenger of America, or whatever they decide to call it. Like Green Lantern I don’t know much about Thor. I know he’s a Norse god, and as such he has a hammer, and he speaks all old like. Kenneth Branagh is directing, which means it will be boring, and I am as excited about Thor as I am of being raped. Natalie Portman is hot though.
I stayed until the end of the very long Iron Man 2 credits, and I all I got was Thor’s hammer in a desert. I will still see it of course, and stay until the end of the very long credits just to see Captain America frozen in carbonite or something like that.
I’m looking forward to Captain America simply because I like Chris Evans, who has bagged just about every
action role Ryan Reynolds hasn’t, and for good reason, he’s awesome. He was the best thing about the disappointing Fantastic Four movies, and was pretty good in Sunshine, Push, and The Losers. Rumour has it that he will be playing all of the X-Men, in X-Men: First Class.
This is all leading to The Avengers movie, and in a massive hurrah at Comic-Con, the entire cast came out, and even here in England we could hear the simultaneous ejaculation of thousands of geeks. We were unveiled two things that we kind of knew anyway. First up is that Mark Ruffalo will be the Hulk. Just to repeat, Mark Ruffalo. I want Edward Norton back. It’s hard to get worked up though, because it’s so difficult to make the Hulk work on screen, and he will probably have a fairly small part in The Avengers, with the big CGI Hulk likely to have more screen time.
The other “surprise” was that Joss Whedon will be writing and directing, and this has gone down a storm. I loved Buffy, Angel, and Firefly, but he has only directed one film, Serenity, so it would be premature to put so much faith into Whedon. The Avengers is the most high profile comic book film in history and they cannot mess it up. It is a very high risk project, and when you put all those heroes together it could end in disaster, remember Spider-Man 3? 3 villains and it all went wrong. It could turn out to be as much as fun as being stabbed in they eye with a pen. Still, Scarlett Johansson is hot.
I forgot about the new Tron film! I don’t care about the new Tron Film.
So that’s Comic-Con in a nutshell, essentially a extravagant piece of marketing to get you to watch Marvel films when they’re released in 2 years time. Stay tuned for the upcoming report on next month’s Rom-com-con, where we will be getting all the hype on the latest J-Lo film, due for release in 2014, where she is a successful single female lawyer, who falls in love with a pumpkin voiced by Patrick Dempsey.
***Note***
I was wrong about Green Lantern and I eventually got excited about Thor.
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