Eleven things about Les Misérables

1. The cinema hasn’t attracted a mob so middle class since The King’s Speech. I thought I was waiting in line to see highlights of the Queen’s Jubilee.

2. Attracting a bourgeois theatre going crowd ensured they all laughed at the “funny” bits as they would do watching the stage production. Just because you pay £60 for a ticket and it’s in a fancy theatre doesn’t mean the shitty jokes and dialogue become high art and hilarious. If you charged £60 for a peasant stoning they'd find that hilarious as well.

3. Helena Bonham Carter has only ever had one look in her career: The scatty wench pimped by Tim Burton.

4. Wolverine, Maximus Decimus Meridius, and Catwoman all feature, yet all they do is go on about their feelings through the medium of song.

5. Speaking of which, Hugh Jackman ages horribly in the film, what happened to his regeneration abilities?

6. Why do the revolutionaries all look like they’re in Mumford and Sons?

7. Revolution looks fun!

8. Oh no it doesn’t.

9. I wonder if Chris Klein auditioned for the film.

10. Why do girls love it so much? It’s two and a half hours of relentless depression. Valjean dying at the end isn’t sad. It’s like the dog dying at the end of Marley and Me. He’s fucking old. Write some lyrics for Schindler’s List and they’ll eat that shit up.

11. It was alright though.