Come to New Zealand! Where all those Hobbits and Orcs died and shit

It was hard to sympathise with those New Zealanders protesting against the possibility that The Hobbit might be filmed elsewhere because after all I didn’t really like the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Before the films came out I tried reading the books, well the first and it was essentially a directory of hobbits for the first thirty pages and I gave up shortly after that. As epic was the journey the fellowship took I feel watching all three films was an almightier task. For a guy who likes the occasional sunshine and lollipop fest the Rings trilogy was too dark, too bleak, and just too damn shitting long.
It’s certainly not something I could watch again, just thinking about it makes me shudder. Despite having more gay overtones than Top Gun it’s still depressingly dark and probably the reason why so many franchises are compelled to have a dark turn. Harry Potter could have been a glorious camp adventure but it’s been molested by bleak shades of blue and grey, can’t we just have a little bit of sun? I don’t mind if Ron burns like a mother fucker. This overt gloominess isn’t good for your health, you watch films to escape, why would you want to escape your own depressing life for someone else’s? Yes there is always light at the end of the tunnel and these films end by the protagonist saving the world from a terrible threat but it’s always at the cost of many lives and everyone involved will be mentally scarred until they die, is that really a happy ending?
So why were these New Zealanders getting so worked up? Why would you want your country to be synonymous with death and destruction? Come to New Zealand! Where all those Hobbits and Orcs died and shit. I presume many fanboys go to New Zealand for that sole purpose but there must be more to a country than some fields where Elijah Wood once stood on. Of course the filming of The Hobbit will provide many jobs but that begs the question, have these protestors been sitting about since 2003 waiting for Peter Jackson to give them another job? The answer is no, plenty of films have been made in New Zealand since the Rings and it is somewhat arrogant to say where a film should and shouldn’t be made, that’s up to the filmmakers.
The protest worked though and The Hobbit will be filmed in New Zealand, but come on, where else were they going to make it? The only other place in the world that looks like Middle Earth is Wales and that would be shit, even if Newport is identical to Mordor. While the film may be important to many Kiwis (is that racist?) I have been less than excited about its release…until Martin Freeman was announced as Bilbo Baggins that is. Because of The Office and Sherlock I will probably watch anything that has Freeman in it, even The Hobbit, and not just that, I’m excited about it. Martin Freeman is one of those rare actors who comes across as a normal pleasant human being and as a result is instantly likeable in everything he does, which will be pivotal in The Hobbit’s success. The audience will be able to connect with Freeman immediately or at least I will be able to and without this connection the film will not work. That said protests will start soon to get Rhys Darby to play Baggins, something I will be equally excited to see.