The not as big as it could have been 2011 film preview!

So 2010 was fun right? Ignoring those two posts about how it wasn’t it was just swell. There was Kick-Ass, Scott Pilgrim, Doctor Who, Sherlock, Peep Show, The Walking Dead, Wonders of the Solar System, it sure was crazy, so can 2011 kick it in the balls?

127 Hours

Everybody loves James Franco, everybody loves Danny Boyle, nobody likes seeing an arm being cut off. That’s not entirely true because the Saw franchise was made possible by the public’s love of severed limbs and those very people who flocked to see Cary Elwes saw his leg off will give their right arm to see James Franco cut his right arm off. At the tender age of 17 I braved Saw (underage, fuck yeah I’m a rebel!) at the cinema but a DIY amputation is not something that would entice me to see a film these days. Danny Boyle’s name would though so I cannot wait for another of his famous feel good films of the year.

Black Swan

It’s about ballet! It’s psychological! The Oscars are going to eat this shit up. Yes it’s got loads of good reviews already and yes it’s going to win loads of Oscars, but will anyone really care? More than likely it’s going to be one of those films where appreciation is exclusive to film students and actual critics, the same people who were able to enjoy Lost in Translation. As I’m just a twat with a keyboard I doubt Black Swan will appeal to me, I get the feeling that the trailer promises it to be a hundred times more exciting than it actually is. Anyone who thinks it sounds a bit gay with the ballet remember this, Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis have sex in it, and if that’s gay I don’t know what to believe.

The Green Hornet

The first super hero film of the year looks to be a fairly low key affair. I was initially excited about this film when it was announced way back when, but when Stephen Chow dropped out I lost interest. Nevertheless Michel Gondry is directing and I haven’t seen Seth Rogen since Funny People, it looks silly and slightly camp and having not seen any super hero/comic book action since Scott Pilgrim it’s beginning to look like a great idea. It won’t be the biggest film of the year and possibly not even the biggest with Green in the title, it might be shit, it might be worse than shit but it’s the only film that looks remotely fun in January, and amongst all the Oscar wannabes what we really need is some good wholesome fun.

Paul

The first film of the year that I am truly excited about, Paul marks the return of everyone’s favourite onscreen duo, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost. For me that’s good enough, but throw in an alien (voiced by Seth Rogen) and a host of SNL actors and this promises to be a hoot and a holler, if only for the geeks of the world.

Sucker Punch

Touted as “Alice in Wonderland with machine guns”, Sucker Punch at least promises to be one of the most original films of 2011. A group of girls attempt to escape an asylum through their dreams all while opening several cans of “whoop-ass”. Nerds dig chicks with guns so you can guarantee this will be a cult hit already, the question is whether a mainstream audience will be able to suspend their disbelief and enjoy a film that can only be described as “fucking mental”. This looks like this year’s Kick-Ass, if it’s half as good I’ll be happy.

Thor/X-Men: First Class/Green Lantern/Captain America

There’s no question that I will see all of these films but I very much doubt I will enjoy them as much as comic book films of yesteryear. The whole Avengers thing has been building up for a while now and I’m actually getting a bit sick of it. Iron Man 2 was a disappointment as it had one eye on progressing the Avengers plot and subsequently forgot it was a film in its own right. As we are fast approaching the super hero film to end all super hero films you would be a fool not to expect the plots of Thor and Captain America to focus heavily on all things Avengy.
DC’s effort Green Lantern looks like it could be an absolute mess judging by the trailer but if last year told us anything it’s that a film doesn’t have to be good to be successful, especially when you have the ever popular Ryan Reynolds as the lead.
Remember all those X-Men films you saw? Well we’re going to have another one, but this time they’re young! Normally I would shake my fist in the air but as Matthew Vaughn and Jane Goldman are involved it would be safe to assume this won’t be a total mess.

Rise of the Apes

Fanboys have only just got the taste of Tim Burton’s ape movie out of their mouths so apparently it’s time for another go. Featuring the man of 2011 himself James Franco and ape connoisseur Andy Serkis it certainly has credentials in the acting department, though it remains to be seen whether any life is left in this ageing franchise. The original remains a classic, more a philosophical tale than science fiction, but in this age of dumbed down blockbusters you would be safe to assume this will be more a “APE VS MAN WITH FUCKING BELLS!” kind of flick.

The Thing

Like Rise of the Apes this isn’t a remake but another entry to a pre-existing mythos, they made that clear in the title you idiot! The Thing will be a prequel to the original and though that has me assuming the end will be the beginning of John Carpenter’s film, I hope this predictability won’t ruin the fun of a shape shifting alien wreaking havoc in the snow. With a pretty much unheard of cast (Mary Elizabeth Winstead is the only recognisable face (but what a face)) and the original film only really attaining a cult status this is unlikely to be the biggest hit of the year, but aliens are in this year so perhaps we’ll go bat shit for this come October.

At the risk of writing into 2012 I won’t write about The Fighter, Blue Valentine, Never Let Me Go, True Grit, Source Code, Attack The Block, Your Highness, The Hangover 2, Cowboys and Aliens and Super 8, not yet anyway.

You stay classy, San Diego

FANGASM! The past weekend has seen San Diego host the 41st Comic-Con, a mecca for hundreds of thousands of geeks to all perpetually jizz in their pants for four straight days. Not living anywhere near San Diego, I have not been jizzing in my pants, and have been jealously following any news I can find on twitter and IGN.

To be honest, I don’t know what goes down in San Diego other than a platform to promote upcoming comic book films. This year the main focus has been on Scott Pilgrim Vs The World, Green Lantern, Thor, Captain America, and every fanboy/girl’s wet dream, The Avengers.

Reviews of the upcoming Scott Pilgrim film all point to a win, but I suspect that anyone who has a firm grasp of reality will hate it and onlookers will point and laugh at me while I try and justify why I like it - Mary Elizabeth Winstead is hot, a good enough reason for liking anything.

I don’t know anything about Green Lantern other than what has been referenced in The Big Bang Theory, but it looks like it’s shaping up to be pretty awesome. Ryan Reynolds has the trust of every geek by reciting the oath at the con (and we know he can do action), green is my favourite colour (I‘m sure that makes or breaks a film‘s quality), and Blake Lively is pretty hot.

Also coming to a screen near you…next year, are Thor and Captain America: The American Avenging Avenger of America, or whatever they decide to call it. Like Green Lantern I don’t know much about Thor. I know he’s a Norse god, and as such he has a hammer, and he speaks all old like. Kenneth Branagh is directing, which means it will be boring, and I am as excited about Thor as I am of being raped. Natalie Portman is hot though.

I stayed until the end of the very long Iron Man 2 credits, and I all I got was Thor’s hammer in a desert. I will still see it of course, and stay until the end of the very long credits just to see Captain America frozen in carbonite or something like that.

I’m looking forward to Captain America simply because I like Chris Evans, who has bagged just about every
action role Ryan Reynolds hasn’t, and for good reason, he’s awesome. He was the best thing about the disappointing Fantastic Four movies, and was pretty good in Sunshine, Push, and The Losers. Rumour has it that he will be playing all of the X-Men, in X-Men: First Class.

This is all leading to The Avengers movie, and in a massive hurrah at Comic-Con, the entire cast came out, and even here in England we could hear the simultaneous ejaculation of thousands of geeks. We were unveiled two things that we kind of knew anyway. First up is that Mark Ruffalo will be the Hulk. Just to repeat, Mark Ruffalo. I want Edward Norton back. It’s hard to get worked up though, because it’s so difficult to make the Hulk work on screen, and he will probably have a fairly small part in The Avengers, with the big CGI Hulk likely to have more screen time.

The other “surprise” was that Joss Whedon will be writing and directing, and this has gone down a storm. I loved Buffy, Angel, and Firefly, but he has only directed one film, Serenity, so it would be premature to put so much faith into Whedon. The Avengers is the most high profile comic book film in history and they cannot mess it up. It is a very high risk project, and when you put all those heroes together it could end in disaster, remember Spider-Man 3? 3 villains and it all went wrong. It could turn out to be as much as fun as being stabbed in they eye with a pen. Still, Scarlett Johansson is hot.

I forgot about the new Tron film! I don’t care about the new Tron Film.

So that’s Comic-Con in a nutshell, essentially a extravagant piece of marketing to get you to watch Marvel films when they’re released in 2 years time. Stay tuned for the upcoming report on next month’s Rom-com-con, where we will be getting all the hype on the latest J-Lo film, due for release in 2014, where she is a successful single female lawyer, who falls in love with a pumpkin voiced by Patrick Dempsey.

***Note***
I was wrong about Green Lantern and I eventually got excited about Thor.